On Tuesday this past week, I submitted for a small role in a feature film. I have been submitting like crazy for any and all background roles I find, but I usually get too nervous to submit for featured roles. I received the casting call […]
Last week I had an audition for a pops choir.
I was pretty excited for the audition. They were calling for “singers who could move.” The singing part was not a problem. And I do okay with the choreography when I do local shows. I figured the “move” part wouldn’t be a problem either. This was something I actually felt I had a shot at!
As the audition day closed in, so did my doubts. I had to sing two songs at the audition, and I was not as comfortable with my second piece as I wanted to be. A discouraging voice lesson the week before my audition did not help. My teacher had to remind me to use some very basic singing techniques; which, of course, made me doubt my abilities to pursue this career at all.
The night before the audition, I had a sort of breakthrough. My second piece was finally starting to sound the way I wanted it to. Despite the frustration I felt with myself at my last voice lesson, it was just what I needed to hear. Things were kind of looking up again.
On the day of the audition, I seriously considered staying home. I had to remind myself that I would never get anywhere if I didn’t at least try, and I forced myself to go despite how I felt. Besides, I still felt I had a serious shot at making the choir.
There were two parts to the audition: the singing audition and the movement audition. The singing part went fine. I was nervous, but it didn’t affect my sound like it did at the audition prior to this one. Halfway through the singing auditions, the judges pulled everyone into the room for the movement portion. She assured us that it would just be a little bit of movement.
The judge and I have very different ideas on what constitutes a “little movement.”
She taught us a full-on dance number. One that was way more difficult than anything I’ve ever done in community theatre (looking back, I feel like I should have known this would be the case). I was happy to see that I was not the only one who had difficulty keeping up, but the majority of them pretty much nailed that part of the audition.
I was pretty depressed the whole hour and a half ride home. What was I thinking, trying out for stuff like this? I’m barely a singer. I don’t have much acting or dance training. I can’t compete with these other people.
I was not surprised when I got my rejection email the day after the audition. I felt conflicted. Part of me tried being optimistic. I told myself that rejection is part of the business, and that I shouldn’t let that stop me. But most of me just felt like I should give up. I’m 31 years old. I’ve only had a handful of dance lessons and only one big part in a play, and that was because they were desperate to fill that spot. Who was I kidding? I’m way too old for this pie-in-the-sky dream.
I’m still feeling that way, honestly. That’s why it’s taken me over a week to even write about it. While my feelings are all over the map, the truth is, the audition was a good learning experience. I was reminded of what my weaknesses are (nerves and dance skills). I can either give up or work to improve those things. I’ve chosen the latter. I often have to fight hard to ignore that negative voice that tells me I can’t do it or that I’m too old to pursue this. Sometimes that voice wins and I end up spending my day wallowing in my depression and laying on the couch mindlessly watching tv. It’s a daily battle. But I don’t want to look back someday and wish I had not given up. I do enough of that already.
I knew this career path would not be easy. I have to choose on a daily basis to not give up, no matter how I am feeling. My biggest battle is against myself. But the more I put myself out there and try, the easier it gets. I become stronger and more confident and that negative voice I have starts to dwindle. It’s slow-going, but at least it’s going.
This is way late…but here is the post I promised about my first professional audition. 🙂 Soon after I decided to pursue acting/singing, I discovered a sort-of local professional theatre was holding open auditions for James and the Giant Peach. I told my friends about […]