Embracing Your New You
Pre-divorce Melissa and post-divorce Melissa are two very different people.
Before my divorce, I was pretty co-dependent. It was very difficult for me to do anything by myself: eat in restaurants, drive anywhere outside of the towns I lived in, talk to people I didn’t know well, and so on. After my divorce I didn’t have a choice, and in the years since have grown into a much more independent person. But often, I still see myself as that shy, fearful person I used to be.
I realized this recently, after I started pursuing this film career. I keep thinking of all the reasons I “can’t” do this career: I’m too shy to make connections, I’m too shy to make friends on the film sets, I’m too afraid to drive in the big cities where the filming is, I can’t take these acting classes by myself, I can’t go to the film sets by myself, etc, etc.
But…that’s just not true.
Most of my friends are people I met within the last 5 or so years. When I work on sets, I always find at least one person to talk to and actually, am the one doing most of the talking. I’ve had to ask complete strangers if we could use their location for the films I’m helping with. I’ve driven all over the state, alone, for gigs and classes. I’ve had to call people I don’t know to discuss the details of a potential PA gig. All formerly scary things.
I am doing all the things I need to do to succeed in this career, and I have got to stop telling myself I can’t. I’m not the same person that I was 5+ years ago. It’s time for me to let that person and that fear go, because they don’t even exist anymore. I’ve come a long way from the girl who once made her husband call the front desk at a hotel for the wifi password because she was way too nervous to do so. I should be proud of all the progress I’ve made.