Secretly Hoping They Won’t Pick Me
One of my goals for the month of January was to get my head shots taken so I could start submitting for acting gigs and try to find an agent. All throughout December I was antsy to get them done, but I had to wait until my hair appointment near the end of December (because I was getting a drastic hair change) and then I had to wait until the holidays were over. But as soon as I could, I booked a session so I could get this acting career off the ground.
And now, I have my head shots. I even found multiple roles to submit for. I went on the local agency websites and researched what I need to do to apply. But, I can’t bring myself to send in my information.
The negative voice in my head tells me the usual reasons why I shouldn’t even bother. But one thought in particular stopped me in my tracks: “Maybe I could send it and hopefully they won’t pick me!”
My big dream is to start acting professionally. And I’m hoping they won’t pick me?
After a little reflection, I realized that, as usual, it all boiled down to fear. I didn’t want to make a fool of myself during the auditions. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to do the role well. I was nervous about the unknown (the audition process and working on a professional set). Blah blah blah.
So, instead of waiting another ten years to overcome my fears, I came up with a game plan instead:
- Submit anyway. If I don’t go to auditions and at least try, I’ll never learn what I can do better. My voice teacher once told me the best way to overcome fear is to just go do the thing you’re afraid of. The more comfortable you become with it, the easier it gets.
- Continue taking classes. The more confident I feel as an actor, the more confident I’ll feel about auditioning.
- Take every acting opportunity I can get. Local plays, student films, anything that will give me experience.
- Practice monologues on my own and record them. Send them to fellow actors for feedback.
I can’t keep wasting my time on fear.
You can’t, either.
Don’t waste ten years of your life like I did. Do one scary thing today to bring you closer to your dream life. Future you will thank you.